It's weird and kinda dumb that a Kanye video made me reminiscent of home. I loved the song when I first got the CD but haven't heard it for a few months until tonight.
I don't know why, but I really don't relate much to Chicago/Illinois. Though I spent the majority of my life thus far in that area, I don't equate Chicago to my "hometown." It's where I physically grew up, but I don't feel like I did my real growing there. I've even lost my midwestern accent. I actually know more history and can get my way around Boston and SF better than I can ever do in Chicago. Greg is the one that is figuring out the El when we visit. Is this bad that I'm so transient? That I embrace every new place I go to as a significant part of my personality? And my true hometown is full of only memories, but no real connection?
Well, to think about it, every place I've been to post-Addison, IL, was a place that I chose to live in. It was not coincidence, not situational, I made the personal choice to leave home and go to these places. Maybe that's why I feel more connection. Because every success and failure as a result of these decisions was due to my feelings, thoughts, inhibitions, and decisions. I guess that's why it's special. I'm with Greg because I chose to go to Northeastern (and luckily be friends with abi green). I'm a pediatric PT because I did my co-op at Franciscan Children's hospital - come to think of it, my yearn to work with people with disabilities stemmed from working at Fernald way back in the day. I make a crapload of money because I live in San Francisco. I spend a crap load of money because I live in San Francisco. I'm going to Alaska this June because of Sierra who nudged me into Team in Training here in SF.
I'm diverging off-topic. Chicago. Memories off the top of my head include senior year of high school, the summer of '00, and my family. I kinda regret that I don't keep in touch with my hometown friends besides facebook and myspace. Well, I've always been a proponent of if you're meant to stay friends, you will work hard to stay friends. And I'm happy with the relationships I maintain with my good friends. It's just unfortunate that I see those that I love only a few times a year.
The more I think about it the more I really love and appreciate my family. I've always had the desire to run away, "get the hell outta here". I embraced my independence so much at the expense of hanging out with my family. The older I get, the more appreciative I am of having such a kind-hearted family. You'd think that every one of them would be like "fuck it, you are never home so why should I even care about your life" but it's never the case. I'm so thankful that I'm always welcomed home and I really cherish the time I'm with them. I love my niece, my dad, my brothers, mom, etc. My brother Jay and my mom are really the most self-less people I know and I only wish that some day when I stop being a selfish bunghole I can hopefully return the favor and give them everything they want and would never ask for.
I guess I'm just realizing that I can probably forgo trips to papalote, the nail salon, Ambiance, and happy hours and I would be able to visit home more. Drop the elitist "I lived in the Eaaaassst coast and now I live in San Franciisssssco and my life must be better than yours" 'tude and just fucking go home.
Maybe we can start again.
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